22 February 2003 19:53
somebody recently asked me, "johnny, why are you so cynical?" (okay, so it was me that asked, but that doesn't mean that i make a habit of talking to myself. why, just the other day i asked myself, "johnny, do you think you talk to yourself too much?" and i said, "no, why?" and then i said, "oh, no reason, just curious.") so to answer this question i did some research (kuz i have no clue as to why i'm cynical...yet).first of all, there were these guys who followed socrates. they were called "Cynics" (duh). so they were a sect, founded by Antisthenes, blah, blah, most famous was Diogenes, characterized by an "ostentatious contempt for ease, wealth, and the enjoyments of life." just so you don't think me guilty of plagarism, that came from the Oxford English Dictionary (plug: this is a most excellent reference. we get it free too, it's on the library database page. it does such nifty things as quote a word's occurences throughout literary history e.g. "1547-64 A.D. Bauldwin, Mor. Philos. (Palfr.) I. xix, He fel straight to the sect of the cinikes, and became Diogenes scholer." i love the olde spellinges) so then, back to the word cynic, the fullout definition being: "A person disposed to rail or find fault; now usually: One who shows a disposition to disbelieve in the sincerity or goodness of human motives and actions, and is wont to express this by sneers and sarcasms; a sneering fault-finder."
now, in reading the definitions and what not of "cynical" one picks up a lot of negative vibes. here's cynical: "contempt of pleasure, churlishness, or disposition to find fault; characteristic of a cynic; surly, currish, misanthropic, captious; now esp. disposed to disbelieve in human sincerity or goodness; sneering." the etymology's worse: greek for dog-like, currish, churlish. you know, all this almost makes me want to give up being a cynic. and i would too, but i know the truth. i know that those editors at oxford english dictionary ltd. are a bunch of paper pushers. they don't know the true meaning of language because they've never been in the world and experienced it. how can they know what i mean by being cynical? in fact, they probably don't even come up with the definitions themselves, they probably have a roomfull of monkeys at typewriters to do the job. i'm so fed up wiht these guys i think i'll subscribe to their newsletter just so i can cancel it and write them a nasty letter.
«Cartoon Link» dog-like eh? aren't dogs man's best friend?
{serious} so i'm jaded, true. kinda bitter against life in general, true. but i'm between 15 and 25, doesn't that make me of the age to rebel against everything? i could blame it on the transition to adulthood. college students are always rioting and starting hippy movements and saving trees and buring paris, it's obviously partof the human gene pool. if nothing else, it's at least genetic within my family in that all three of us kids are cynical.
i'm rarely fair in my cynicism. i scoff and put down things that i really don't know about. i complain about things in the world that i do absolutely nothing about (except complain about them some more the next day). i've had inconsistencies pointed out to me before.. that's always a tough pill to swallow. i can recall one specific instance with a friend where i made some smart aleck comment that was negative regarding a couple on campus. he asked me (kindly, but earnestly) what made me say that (essentially, where's the proof). i of course didn't have any. unfortunately it was about five minutes before i figured this out, so i stood there stammering and trying to come up with something. finally i flat out retracted my statement, and he accepted that. ithought about it a good bit in the succeeding week.. i had absolutely nothing against that couple except my own predjudice against the one member, a predjudice that the more i thought about, the less i could find reason for. it was a gut response that had absolutely zero backing.
since then i've done a bit of thinking. what else am i making off the cuff negative statements about that have little to no factual foundation? well, let me think. a Lot. okay, when i list them, there's not too many, for example: the administration, the government, and the manner and material which the faculty use. those are the three things i complain about (intersting to note that they're all in authority over me, eh?). but it would be inaccurate to say that it's just those few areas i'm cynical in, for they cover an immense portion of my life. the administration in particular, i find fault with practically everything i find out that they're doing.
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