01 April 2003 23:17
so today me and a couple guys took a simple conversation about straight pins and turned it into a conversation on how to construct a close range weapon of lethal potential out of a collapsing car radio antenna and a CO2 cartridge. what's the point? after kyle and i spent 45 minutes ranting and raving about the idiocy of bureaucracy, we got tired of our petty schemes of revenge and turned to other subjects. not that we ever had any intention of pulling a bomb hoax on the US border crossing, but it was fun to scheme, right? our plans were elaborate, intricate, well thought out, an exercise in analytical theory. there's always a joy in building right? it's fun to think up fancier and more impressive ways to kill people, right? the joy of building, the joy of craftsmanship, of taking a plain old car antenna and carefully fashioning it into something useful.i live on two planes. on one plane i'm a christain, on another i am a human. on the first i believe firmly in following the example of Christ, on the second i have my basic beliefs of the way really should work according to me. on one hand i'm opposed to the death penalty, on the other, if we're going to do it, we should do it right. on one hand i am opposed to military action, on the other, the military should be a cold, precision killing machine... remove the stupid media, clamp down on bureaucracy, and reduce bagdad back into the sand whence it came. on one hand i submit willingly to the border guards doing their job, on the other i desire to get back at them for the waste of my time.
i fully realize that such retaliation is useless, would accomplish nothing (except imprisonment), and above all is petty. i fully realize that stabbing various members of administration with radio antennas is not a viable means of destroying their vain blasphemy. i'm extremely annoyed at myself for having participated in both conversations. of late i keep feeling like i'm not keeping my Christian and human planes fully separated. as Christians we are a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come. so we are to leave our old self, with all it's practices.
ever hear of road rage? i'm an aggressive driver. often i'll get mad at other drivers for their rudeness or whatever. but this is something that i've actually managed to accomplish some progressive work on. i've been trying to pay close attention to double standards i maintain in my driving habits. something else i've been working on to distract me from people's complete lack of driving etiquette: when people pass me or i pass them, i force myself to wonder if they've been saved. it kinda puts a new perspective on things.
i've had people who just couldn't understand my attitude towards patriotism. they considered loyalty to the usa to be the same as loyalty to God. for me, loyalty to God is on a plane above loyalty to country, indeed, i am a patriot, i am willing to die for my country, but my country is the kingdom of God. in actuality, going and fighting for the US is beneath my concern, or in most cases, even runs directly contrary to my mission as a christian (ie, to win souls, not commit them to hell).
so next time that blond with an attitude takes her time letting me back into the states, i need to ask myself whether she's saved, and spend the hour and a half praying for her, rather than spending the hour and half putting her down. and still harping on the military service issue; the idea of looking down my rifle sights at an iraqi soldier, asking "is he saved" and then pulling the trigger is still inconceivable to me.
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