17 January 2004 01:31
the past couple weeks have been quiet ones, many little things happening but no major things. however, we are already two weeks into january, what have i done with the time?there is always the routine. and there is always that which does not fit into the routine. i've notice that things which i originally thought routine are really not at all, but just happened to happen frequently when i first came here, making me think they were normal. "normal" is of course, a misnomer. but i'm just reitterating what everybody alread knows. i know a lot, but not much of it's useful to most people. much of it's not specifically useful even to me. i know that the town of forrest, alabama has a taco bell. when is that going to do me good? but the vast store of what i know serves as background. it starts with three-year-old kids asking their parents an endless string of questions—"why?" why is the sky blue? parents can answer with desriptions of light refraction and wavelengths, which the kid will not understand. but what he does understand is that there is an answer.. that will hold him until high school, when he learns it agian in his physics class. then he'll forget about it for fifteen years until he has a kid of his own asking, "why is the sky blue?" he'll dig up some descriptions about light refraction and wavelenghts, which his kid will not understand....
there are over six billion people in the world, probably over half of them have no clue why the sky is blue. does this knowledge really help me? obviously billions of people are surviving just fine without it. what's the point in further educating myself with knowledge such as this? or, one can argue that this is physics, and truely might come in handy at some point (if not for the sky, then for some other aspect of our physical universe). but what about history? how does knowing that someone named Ghengis Kahn once lived in asia? it helps me understand Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn better i guess. knowing history helps me understand human nature. seeing what people have done in the past helps me understand what people will do in the future.
human purposes. why do people do what they do? what is humanity seeking? well, it's hard to tell i reckon, no one knows the heart except God, verdad? however, there is one human i can guess at. sure, i don't really have all that good of an idea what i'm up to, but i can hazard a few educated opinions. what am i seeking? if i knew for sure, it would probably help me find it. i'm seeking contentedness (godliness with contentment is great gain). i'm seeking peace (let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts). i'm seeking fellowship (as members of one body...). there's a lot of words one could bandy around, which one summarizes them all? humanity is seeking meaning in its lives. some do this with material possesions, others with various and sundry spiritual practices, others with works, others by relationships with others, and others with drugs.
i find a lot of meaning in personal relationships. ideally these relationships are modelled after my relationship with God. realistically, i use relationships to supplant my need for God. when i feel listless, at loose ends, i instinctively search for a friend to talk to, whether by email, letter, im, or phone. oft times, if the need is not too great, i simply write to a general audience, hence this blog.
why do i write these things? it's therapy. self-thereapy. by writing, i sort out my feelings as i write, get my priorities straight, realize where my real values lie. i started writing this blog at a point in the evening when i was feeling slightly depressed, somewhat sorry for myself. so i started writing, because at that moment i had no one to talk to. since that time, i've talked for a while with two different aquaintences, read a letter from a good friend, written three letters, and talked with two friends online, in addtition to writing this. all that happened to come along coincidentally (if you ignore the supernatural). but it started with me writing this, up to the point of discovering why i was feeling out of sorts. moral of the story? i need to go spend some qt with God. see? successful self-therapy. or at least self-diagnosis.
01:31 email me permalink / commentary (0)
